Got a toothbrush?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
