I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
it was like eating out sand paper
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
