I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
