i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
