Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
