Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
