My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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