my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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