No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
