We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize