I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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