watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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