Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
COCAINE IS GR8
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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