your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Bang-toberfest begins!!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
