I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
