dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
