I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
