She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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