I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
