he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
