Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize