When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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