Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
