Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
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