I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Randomize
