WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
