I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
