Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
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