if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My ass is underappreciated
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize