My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
