so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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