Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
