I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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