I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
