I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
