Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
home. puking in laundry basket.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
