So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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