I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
