3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
