Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
