But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
