I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Randomize
