I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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