We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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