He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
