i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i came on her dog
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
