tell your sister to shave her snatch
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Drake has all the answers
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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