Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize