honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Randomize
