..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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