I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
