My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
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