So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
