he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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