that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
