I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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