This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Randomize
