Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize