i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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