You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
