pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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