is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
