watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
