her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
