who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
