if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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