I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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