let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
