i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
