I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
