Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
